So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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