Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
