Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
