are you still at the devil's house?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
