You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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