saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
