I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
