I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
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Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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