So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
