I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
