my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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