So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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