My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
