Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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