remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
