I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
