So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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