Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
