The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
