Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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