Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
