What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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