2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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