and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
