I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
