Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
