i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize