At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
