She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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