using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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