dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
