I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
