I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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