I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
