THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
