if you like me you must not know who I am
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
