The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
