I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
