Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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