She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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