Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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