She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
