well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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