Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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