I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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