if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
