I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize