I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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