OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
