I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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