How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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