i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
