I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
