Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
