Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
