i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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