You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
