Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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