You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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