did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
