i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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