I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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