i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
