What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Let's get the cat blown out
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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