got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
