there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
