clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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