I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
