I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
