we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
