If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
