she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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