I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
