There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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