i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
