we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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