took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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