I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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