she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
