Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
