and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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