Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
