Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
