guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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